It's Been a Month and I'm Still Sober Part II

This part will discuss what has been happening between the both of us for the past month. A lot of confusion, generally. The night HE broke up with me hurts me very much. And the next day HE asked me out to a movie for the following day. I was hurting too much to accept, and I knew it was just going to be a "friends" thing. I couldn't respond to HIS texts and calls. I know HE was just trying to make sure I didn't hurt too much and that I was ok. HE even called about a job opening in the mall near my house - I didn't answer, so HE sent a text.

I was asking my friends what to do about HIM, and they thought I should let HIM be for awhile to decide what HE really wants. So I did that, and HE called and texted and I never responded. Maybe I should have. And about a week after, HE texted "What if I tell my parents I choose you?" This was what I thought was the cause of the break up. So I asked him to call me that night if HE wanted to talk. And HE texted again "I dare not tell them, nevermind".

Things started out well that night, but went nastily wrong somehow. Turned out that I was right, HE just wanted to make sure I was ok. I asked to meet up on HIS day off, but HE said HE's not sure when HE will be free to go out, and later indicated that all the times HE did go out with me was because HE was forced to, and that really hurts. So well, I did tell HIM to let me know when HE'S free to meet up within the next week. And HE told me that whatever I wanted to let HIM know, couldn't I just text or call. I wanted to meet face to face. HE didn't.

And HE proceeded to tell me exactly why HE broke up with me. And I hurt like I've never hurt before. And HE finished by telling me to give up hope and that HE's got a new girlfriend, named Bobo. So I told HIM, don't worry about meeting up anymore, since I was going to tell HIM I was sorry for hurting him, and maybe talk about working things out. But after what HE said, it's clear HE's just not interested. So I told my mom everything and resolved to start my life without HIM. But I texted him one day and HE called and we talked and HE said that we couldn't get back together because HE'S got a new girlfriend and said that if only I'd answered HIS calls sooner then things would have been different. It was 1am in the morning and I was an emotional wreck. I called Belle and I went to her house, cried on her shoulder and spent the night there. Belle said that even if I had answered HIS calls, things would just probably be the same anyway.

The next day I texted HIM, "I am happy for you, do what you think is right and I'll always be here for you". HE started saying that he's girlfriend is not that good and he regrets being in this relationship. And HE asked for me to reply to HIS texts. Then he remisnicse about the good times we've shared. He continued to contact me for another 2 weeks.

HE wished me a happy birthday the day before my birthday, and asked if there was a possibility of us getting back together, I said yes. But it turned out HE only wanted to be very good friends.

HE also blamed me for the break up, and I admit it was my fault, but I do think HE was thinking about breaking up already. I somehow can tell that it was on HIS mind. HE said I had everything a girl could want. And I asked HIM if that was true, HE said probably not. And mentioned that since HE wasn't good enough to just get going. I asked if HE wanted to work things out and HE said no, again, because HE didn't want to two time.

And then HE sends all mixed signals, like that time HE asked for me to message back within 2 minutes if I wanted another chance. I was scared, hurt and suspicious, so I didn't. I know better by now that HE isn't interested in a relationship with me, HE was just dangling the bait, waiting for me to bite, and once I do bite, HE'LL JUST UNHOOK ME, WITH ME BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE JUST LIKE THE POOR FISH AND CHUCK ME BACK INTO THE RIVER, and HE could start the process all over again. And to hurt me some more.

HE called the next night, wanting to talk to me but ended up texting me, telling me HE's sorry for hurting me and that HE wants to remain friends and ask me not to ignore HIM. I cannot, 3 years is a long time, and I don't want a downgraded relationship.

There was the complication with the vouchers I gave HIM, and HE asked if he could still redeem the kisses and stuff. I told HIM I could give him the money and HE could go with the movies and all. HE said HE doesn't want to go alone, so I asked HIM to bring HIS girl and HE said HE didn't know if she wants to and that HE felt that she was playing with HIM. Seriously, if HE felt that way, I wonder why HE is with her. None of my concern anyway, HIS girlfriend is HIS business and I'm not going to be a third party, hanging onto my ex-boyfriend in hopes that HE will come back to me, like some psychotic, crazy, raving ex-girlfriend. Then I asked him to bring Elf as an option and HE went "Oh", and I asked if HE wanted me to go with HIM and HE said no HE only wanted the freebies. Hurt me again, HE did - too many times to count. And HE asked again why HE couldn't redeem the kisses and hugs. I'm no longer his girlfriend. Elf's dad passed away this day, and over MSN, he suggested that I should go for Elf. What's that all about anyway?

After a couple of days, HE texted to say HE was tired and wondering if I could help HIM. I asked HIM what was wrong and HE said everything. I was busy so I told HIM to let me know if there was anything I can do. After a couple of hours I texted him back asking if HE was ok. HE said HE didn't know what HE was feeling and that it was not a nice feeling. That night, we texted each other a bit. The following night, HE asked why I never replied to HIS text(s). I only received one about HIM falling asleep the previous night. HE got annoyed and said that I seem busy and that I should be carrying on with my stuff. I did and HE texted back saying he's thinking about giving me a chance but I don't seem to want it. Trying to hurt me again I realize. And HE mentioned that HE wants me slim and beautiful.

HE didn't text for almost two days, then on 4am Sunday morning, he texted that we couldn't be together as much as we wanted to (yeah...we...it's only me, HE doesn't want it obviously, or we would have) because he's got a girlfriend. (For the third time HE said this)

What I don't get is although HE personally told me about HIS girlfriend, HE had to keep asking me questions like "How you know I've a girlfriend?", "You believe I've a girlfriend?", "Do you know what her name is?". HE'S trying his hardest to hurt me. This I am certain.

And the next morning, he texted again "You're mean. You break my heart". No, YOU broke mine, again and again that it's so difficult to heal, to put together the broken pieces. For the third time HE'S telling me we cannot ever be together, and yet HE'S trying to play mind games to hurt me furthermore so that I can keep hoping to get back together with HIM, when after three times, I've got that message loud and clear.

I confided in Elf, and Elf actually confronted him. I didn't ask Elf to do so, I just told Elf how hurt and confused HIS mixed signals and messages that don't quite add up or fit made me feel. It's like one second HE thinks about getting back together, but the next HE doesn't. And all the times, HE doesn't...because of the girlfriend. And yet HE keeps throwing me crumbs.

Elf told me he confronted HIM, and how HE mentioned that I was lucky HE even contacts me, after all I've done to HIM. HE just so enjoys hurting me, dangling his girlfriend in front of me to make me suffer the pain and watching me hurt. Me, the girl HE used to love, and who love HIM so much.

最后的疼爱是手放开 - the last bit of affection is letting go of the hands