Totally ironic. A few semesters ago I was doing short stories with Dr. Rashidi and we were reading this one by Katherine Mansfield, "A Dill Pickle" (I kinda like her writing, by the way), about a relationship gone sour and the man and the lady ran into each other having tea (or something like that, hey, it was set in Britain) after six years of not being in touch with each other. And on with the reminiscing of the "good old days" and then with a realization on the lady's part, why their relationship could never be.
Well, I thought it would never happen to me back then. Both parts. Both from being in a relationship to being broken up, and also the sudden dawn upon me why things between him and I would never work out. Right. The dramatic irony. The short story started with "And then" and I thought it would be so damn ironic to imitate it, to an extend.
I came back from 7th month ancestral prayers this morning to an MSN message from Danh. When I replied to him, he thought I'd just woken up from my beauty sleep. Mmhmm, as if I sleep til 11am anyday. So I told him I was at prayers and he went, like, "Are you even Christian?" and I replied "It's the 7th month" (well I thought since he is Vietnamese, he should understand) and he just went, "7th month since the break up?" and I responded to him, "I've lost count".
And I honestly have lost count. Up until now. Let's see, almost 9 months now.
If you don't count the little outburst on my part, I think I haven't spoken to him in about 7 months. If you're doing the math, haha.
If you're to ask why I haven't been in contact with him, well, let me just cite a few real life scenarios to get my point across.
Meph has been broken up with his (ex) girlfriend for months now. Actually she left him for another guy, a guy who only wanted her for you-know-what. And she knows this. Mmhmm. Yet she demands that Meph calls her every night. Whatever for, I've been asking him to stop. He said,
if he only could.And then Qing, she really misses her ex. He told her he hated her. But she cannot help but still miss him.
Belle and Ivan is another different thing totally. They have been together for so long. They've been through months of no contact and yet somehow he manages to find her number while he was in New Zealand and called her up on her birthday. And now she's with another guy and I have no idea what Ivan is up to at the moment. (I like Ivan, but Belle comes first, and I thought it would be kinda awkward to be contacting Ivan now).
Belle once said to me, "I can never do what you're doing, I cannot just cut someone out of my life"
I did it, not out of spite, but out of choice.
I had to do what is best for me, this is what I needed for myself to heal. I needed to do this. I needed to heal.
And by healing it meant taking all the venom out of my life. And he is it.
I personally think he is underestimating my intelligence. Just because I act dumb doesn't mean I AM actually DUMB, good grief.
I've always had this suspicion ever since he started working at that Levi's store.
And that girl? I knew/know (whichever suits your fancy, I can't quite decide which at the moment) that she is somewhere there before I'm even out of the picture.
He asked to remain friends. Whatever for? I have enough friends as it is. And besides, because of the above suspicion, I no longer respect him, he was simply not man enough to be honest with me (and not to mention all the mind eff-ing bullshit he put me through for two bloody months). Above all that, I simply cannot find it within myself to be "friends" with someone who doesn't want to be with me (c'mon be logical, I'm not good enough to be your girlfriend so now you want to relegate me to "friend" status and expect me to play by your one-sided rules? Oh, no. No. I don't think so, thank you very much).
And oh yeah, no one wants to be friends with someone who is constantly trying to hurt them? Like whatever the eff-ing benefits are those pictures for? To rub in my face reminding me what I've lost? No, wait, I don't think I have lost anything. It's him who lost me.
So you see the simple sense. He cannot accept me for who I am and for what I am. AND I SUPPOSE THAT EXTENDS TO THE FRIENDSHIP TOO. Enough said. Ah, so lovely to get it out of my system!
Now, if only I can influence the rest of the broken up world to NOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX, unless it's a friendship you really want (and need) and of course if they haven't been utter morons, jerks, bastards, faggots.... (insert appropriate or desired noun[s] here) to you.
Cheers.
***End of Part One***